Earlier today, I met one of my childhood friends after many years. As we laughed and reminisced about the mischievous adventures of our childhood gang, I was filled with warmth and nostalgia. Yet, amid this joy, a thought struck me that not all childhood memories bring happiness. For some, childhood is not a time of laughter and play, but of pain and fear.
A few weeks ago, during an educational camp I was conducting in the central region of Pakistan, a 19-year-old student shared his childhood experiences with me. His story reminded me how deeply early trauma can shape a person’s adult life. Childhood abuse, whether physical, sexual, or emotional, or even neglect by parents, can leave lasting scars. Children who are hurt by the very people they trust and love most often grow up feeling betrayed, wounded, and unworthy. If these emotional wounds remain unhealed, they silently seep into adulthood, affecting one’s self-image, relationships, and capacity to trust.
When the Past Hides Behind a Smile
Interestingly, my student appeared to be completely fine on the surface. He was active, social, and even led his group with enthusiasm. No one would have guessed that beneath his cheerful exterior lay years of suppressed pain. This encounter reminded me of a powerful truth not all wounds are visible.
According to Andrea Brandt, a California-based family and marriage therapist, teenagers and young adults who have faced significant trauma in childhood often develop what she calls “victimhood thinking.” This mindset stems from the deep-rooted belief that one is a victim of circumstances. Such thinking can be incredibly harmful, as it shapes how people see themselves and the world around them. It influences their choices, relationships, opportunities, and even their ability to grow personally and professionally.
When someone believes that life only happens to them rather than for them, they may unconsciously limit their potential. They may become hesitant to take risks, accept help, or open up emotionally, fearing that life will hurt them again.
The Silent Aftereffects of Trauma
Victimhood thinking is not the only consequence of childhood trauma. Many adults who were mistreated as children become passive and overly accommodating in their relationships. This may look like always agreeing with others, avoiding conflict, or suppressing emotions — behaviours that may seem polite or easygoing but are actually rooted in fear.
This passivity often prevents individuals from asserting their needs or defending themselves, creating a cycle of silence and emotional suppression. For women, especially, this can be particularly dangerous. Those who carry unresolved childhood trauma may unknowingly gravitate toward abusive or controlling partners, continuing the pattern of emotional harm they endured as children.
The Invisible Burden of Depression
The psychological weight of childhood trauma can also manifest as depression in adulthood. According to an article published in Psychological Science, adults who experienced trauma in their formative years are far more vulnerable to developing depressive disorders.
Depression, unfortunately, is often misunderstood or minimised in many societies. It is not simply “feeling sad” or “being weak.” It is a serious mental health condition that can deeply impact one’s daily life and relationships. Some common symptoms include persistent sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, fatigue, poor concentration, appetite changes, insomnia, and even suicidal thoughts.
Many individuals struggling with depression tend to withdraw from social contact, neglect self-care, and lose motivation. They may appear distant or irritable when in truth, they are simply fighting an internal battle no one else can see.
Healing the Inner Child
Healing from childhood trauma is not easy. It requires time, patience, and compassion especially toward oneself. But healing is possible. Here are two approaches that can help, as suggested by BetterHelp, an online mental health resource:
1. Practice Self-Care and Self-Reliance
While it may seem simple, self-care plays a crucial role in recovery. Adults who experienced trauma often develop the subconscious belief that they are not worthy of love, rest, or care. This can lead to neglecting their physical and emotional needs. Developing small, consistent habits such as eating healthy meals, maintaining sleep routines, exercising, or simply taking quiet time to reflect can slowly rebuild self-worth. Self-care is not indulgence; it’s a reminder that you matter.
2. Pursue Hobbies and Extramural Activities
Another healing strategy is to replace painful memories with positive experiences. Engaging in hobbies, creative outlets, or community service allows individuals to reconnect with joy and purpose. Activities like painting, gardening, sports, or volunteering can provide new perspectives and foster emotional growth. When people focus on creating new, positive experiences, they begin to rewire their emotional patterns — proving to themselves that life can offer safety, trust, and happiness again.
A Personal Reflection: The Journey to Recovery
As I reflected on my student’s story, I realised that healing from trauma is not a straight path. It’s a journey filled with moments of strength and vulnerability. Every person’s journey looks different; what helps one individual may not work for another. For some, therapy or counselling becomes the bridge to healing. For others, it might be spiritual growth, community support, or meaningful relationships.
The most important step is acknowledging the pain. Denial only prolongs suffering, while recognition opens the door to healing. Childhood trauma does not define who we are, but how we choose to face it defines who we become.
As parents, teachers, and caregivers, we must remain attentive to children’s emotional needs. A kind word, a listening ear, or a sense of safety can make a world of difference in a child’s life. Early emotional support can prevent years of pain later on.
Final Thoughts
Trauma may begin in childhood, but its echoes can resound through adulthood if left unhealed. Yet, healing is possible when we choose self-awareness, compassion, and courage over silence. It starts with recognising that the child who once suffered deserves love and peace not just from others, but from themselves too.
So, if you or someone you know carries the weight of a painful past, remember this: healing is not about erasing the memories; it’s about learning to live beyond them. The past might shape us, but it doesn’t have to define us.