Why teens feel lost about subject choices, fear disappointing parents, and struggle to see value beyond “doctor, engineer, CSS.”
Choosing subjects after middle school is one of those small crossroads that feels enormous when you’re living it, both for the child and the parents. In Pakistan, that crossroad often looks like a short menu: Science (pre-med/pre-engineering), Commerce (business/accounting), Arts (humanities/social sciences), or “Bas jo mile”, take whatever seat opens up. Why does a 14- or 15-year-old face such pressure and confusion? Let’s unpack the feelings behind the choices and offer a kind, practical way forward for parents and families.
Where The Pressure Comes From
For many Pakistani families, careers such as doctors, engineers, or CSS officers are shorthand for stability, respect, and a clear social ladder. These professions are familiar, culturally validated, and, importantly, easy to explain at relatives’ gatherings: “Beta doctor hai” carries an automatic social cachet. That cultural shorthand makes parents understandably anxious to see their child secure a reliable future. Studies and commentators working in Pakistan observe this strong parental preference and the social signals that encourage students to opt for a narrow set of choices. (Times Higher Education (THE))
At the same time, schools and the system don’t always provide the necessary support. Many secondary schools lack structured career guidance, resulting in students making life-shaping choices without access to essential information, aptitude testing, or exposure to alternative options. Research from within Pakistan suggests a genuine need for systematic career counselling at the secondary level. When guidance is absent, the default becomes whichever option “looks best” on paper or whichever option a parent or peer recommends. (Pak Secretarial Journal)
Why Teens Feel Lost?
There are a few consistent reasons teens get confused:
- Too many unknowns. They don’t know what “commerce” or “humanities” actually lead to in real life; subjects feel like labels, not pathways.
- Fear of letting parents down. Many teens worry that choosing anything other than a “prestigious” route will disappoint their family or make them seem aimless.
- Peer signals and prestige. If most high-performing classmates are in pre-med or pre-engineering, switching feels like falling behind socially.
- Lack of role models. If students rarely meet successful filmmakers, designers, social workers, or entrepreneurs from similar backgrounds, those options can feel risky and unreachable.
- The myth of one ‘right’ choice. There’s a belief that subject choice now locks you forever. While some professional degrees require specific prerequisites, many careers are flexible, allowing individuals to switch fields later; however, students often remain unaware of this flexibility.
A 2025 snapshot of student preferences in Pakistan reveals that medicine, engineering, and business are at the top of the list, often chosen more for perceived prestige than genuine passion. That explains why many children say “doctor/engineer” first, even when their real interests lie elsewhere. (Spectacle)
Why “Bas Jo Mile” Happens
“Bas jo mile”, taking whatever is available, is common when choices are limited, options are scarce, or the family cannot afford private coaching and a seat in a desired group. Sometimes administrative timing forces late decisions; sometimes it’s because parents want to avoid conflict and allow the easiest option. Whatever the reason, this approach carries a familiar risk: the student ends up in a stream that doesn’t fit their strengths or interests, which can harm motivation and performance.
Busting Some Myths (Calmly, For Parents)
- Myth: “If they don’t do science, they’ll never earn well.”
Reality: Success and income are not reserved for one field. Arts and commerce graduates work in various fields, including media, public service, business, design, technology, education, and entrepreneurship. With skills, networks and learning, income follows. (See how flexible modern career paths are, liberal arts graduates often move into business, tech and policy roles.) (takshashilauniv.ac.in) - Myth: “Changing later is impossible.”
Reality: Many students pivot after intermediate or undergraduate studies. What matters more than the exact subject is competence, curiosity, and transferable skills (communication, problem-solving, basic numeracy).
Gentle, Practical Guidance for Parents
Parents want the best for their children. Here are practical steps to bridge the gap between love, expectation, and reality without creating undue stress or panic.
- Start with conversation, not commands. Ask your child what parts of school they enjoy. Don’t lead with “Do you want to be a doctor?” Try “What lessons this year did you enjoy the most?” Create space for honest answers.
- Explore, don’t decide. Create a brief exploration plan: consider a one-weekend visit to a college department, a conversation with a recent graduate, or a short online course. Small exposures demystify careers and reduce fear.
- Aptitude + interests = a better guide than prestige. Use simple, free online aptitude or interest inventories (many schools or NGOs offer these). Combine test results with observed strengths: Does your child enjoy numbers, stories, building things, or helping others?
- Value skills, not just labels. Emphasise skills such as writing, public speaking, basic data handling, and project management that transfer across fields. This reduces the perceived risk of choosing a non-traditional path.
- Bring in a neutral voice. If possible, involve a school counsellor or a career workshop. Evidence from Pakistan shows that career workshops can improve students’ confidence in decision-making. (migrationletters.com)
- Allow safe experiments. Encourage short internships, volunteer work, or hobby projects. A teen who helps in a community clinic, joins a school debate club, or runs a small online store will learn more than years of worrying.
- Reassure about parental support. Children often choose what their parents prefer because they fear losing approval. Say it out loud: “We will support your honest effort.” That reassurance alone lowers pressure and lets real interests surface.
A Note for Schools and Communities
Schools can play a huge role by offering structured career sessions, inviting alumni from diverse fields, and making aptitude tools accessible. Small, low-cost interventions, such as monthly career talks, parent evenings about modern pathways, or links to online career tools, can transform family conversations.
Final Thought Keeps the Horizon Wide
In a fast-changing economy, the jobs of tomorrow will value adaptability as much as subject labels. Our task as parents is to help our children develop curiosity, resilience, and a sense of agency: to try, learn, and adjust their course without shame. “Doctor, engineer, CSS” are fine goals if they come from the child’s genuine interest and aptitude. If not, there is honour and success in many other paths. Let’s make space at home for exploration, small experiments, and the gentle courage to choose differently.